• Be THAT Girl | A Lecture in Self Love and being Bold

    Be that Girl

    Hello all! So last week I took a mini mental vacay from the blog – I think taking a step back to just live a little and be more present in your daily life is not only healthy but essential! (especially when you spend nearly all of your time on the computer like me: blog, school, etc). It was actually rejuvenating – I saw more of my friends and just relished in some much needed me time, something I seem to never get enough of. To set up this blog post – I wanted to talk about something near and dear to my heart: being your own freaking self.

    A lot has been on my heart and on my mind since entering into the world of blogging, particularly in the style scene. There is so much talent floating around the blogosphere and yet – there’s a lot of insincerity, pettiness and all around fake bitches. Yep, I said it and it’s still just as true, even if it’s a shocking statement. Before I entered into blogging, I adored several bloggers, following them on Instagram and reading their blogs for years. Now – I’ve had the opportunity to meet several of them in person, commonly attending the same events. And let me tell you…they were awful. Now, not all of them are awful .. I’m not making that generalized statement BUT I am saying there are some serious falsies out there. To me, there is nothing more disappointing than finding out someone isn’t who they “market” themselves to be. Whether it’s because they’re actually a wallflower in real life or their own self obsession sucks the life out of me, it’s truly a massive let down.

    I’ve been thinking on it for so long – because as much as I just want to call them bitchy, there’s more to the story than just that assumption. It’s no secret I love myself. It’s taken years to get here but there’s not a damn thing I would change about myself. I live my truth, I call it like it is, and I do the damn thing. My style, my makeup, my hair – I change them like the direction of the winds and while I’ve made some incredible “blogger” friendships who love that about me, I find some others are intimidated by it, or even threatened. They take those feelings and channel them into some form of not acknowledging me – entirely ignoring me at events, not following me back on IG when I’ve followed/commented/liked their crap for years, or even whispering about me to their friends.

    Whoa whoa whoa.. wait a minute. Does that sound a lot like high school? Because I left that over a decade ago, and yet – this feels all too familiar. I’ve always been a little bit different, marching to my own beat instead of everyone else’s rhythm. I used to wonder if that made me weird or unwanted, but in fact, it makes me unique! Would you really want to be one of hundreds of sheep? No. You want to be memorable, whether you admit it or not. To be truthful, most of those girls are far more insecure than you could imagine – hence being uncomfortable around someone living so boldly in their own skin. And you know what? It makes me sad for them, not mad. It makes me sad they look and act like everyone else, and are so small-minded that they cannot embrace anything beyond their own comfort zones.

    This stems into the whole lack of women actually supporting other women. Not just in the blogosphere but in most professional realms – women are nasty to each other. They keep secrets and hoard trade tips instead of uplifting and helping their fellow woman succeed in her own right. I’ve heard a Dallas blogger word for word say the bloggers of Dallas are to be envied because they all support and help each other. That’s the biggest load of bologna I’ve ever heard, especially from her mouth. She’s one of the worst! It’s almost laughable how fake bloggers can be – from their stories to their projected images. I hate it – and try my best to always be true to myself, even if that means me putting up a story whilst in my bathrobe, bare faced and hair all crazy. That’s ME.

    So.. point of the post – being yourself and living boldly. How do you do it?

    Six pointers from me:

    • Own all the aspects of YOU – the good, the bad and the ugly. Know your strengths – shout them from the rooftops!, pinpoint your weaknesses and work towards improving your shortcomings. One of my former professors once told me there’s a fine line between being bold and being careless, the key being self-awareness and reassessments. For instance, I’m highly aware I can judge people too quickly based upon first impressions. I give them another chance to maybe work through their own issues and reset my opinion because let’s face it, some of us are just plain nervous or awkward when it comes to making a first impression or finding conversation. I also ask my friends if I’m being reasonable or just plain crazy.
    • Admit your flaws – I embrace my imperfections. They make me authentic, unique, and less of a robot shaped by society or social media. I love that I don’t blindly follow influencers simply because everyone else does – they’re not always worth it, I promise you that.
    • No means no – Knowing how and when to use NO. I’m telling you – I used to be so afraid of saying no. I thought people would think less of me or get mad or even respect me less because I told them no. Quite the opposite actually – people learn you have boundaries and grow to respect them and your opinions. If they don’t, you know they’re either an unreasonable person or simply not worth having around. Saying no is empowering, it gives rise to your own voice, self respect, and self awareness. Saying no is also a key ingredient in self love, protecting your time, energy, and values.
    • Being credible – pairing your voice with actual data, whether it’s from experience or extensive research. Be the person people know to take seriously because you’re not spouting bullshit to anyone and everyone who will listen. You know I saw a fashion influencer say in their stories people turn to them for ZIKA ADVICE?! Yall I about fell out of my chair. I then had to take a walk because I was so damn angry. This person has nothing to do with healthcare nor has any form of scientific or medical degree and had the balls to lie about something like Zika and people seeking them out for advice. Um, no. Never in my mind would I think to turn to a fashion influencer about Zika safe travels. NOT EVER. How about the CDC or WHO or even a local infectious disease physician or health department? THAT IS CREDIBLE and that is SAFE knowledge. I immediately unfollowed that person because they clearly had no problem lying to their audience. YUCK.
    • You have the courage to accept failure – Failure is scary, there’s no denying it. BUT failure is practically inevitable, and it’s what boosts us to constantly do better, be better, be more. Having the courage to fail only to learn and leap beyond that low point isn’t something everyone can do, but all the greats can! Failure is the momentum you need to be your own form of incredible!
    • Step out of your comfort zone – this is the biggest piece of advice I can offer anyone. Comfort zones are exactly what they say, comfortable. But that comfort easily transforms into suffocation – making it all the more easy to play it safe and never really explore or push your limits. We don’t grow by being safe and we rarely stumble across new opportunities by being comfortable. Even if it gets uncomfortable because it’s new, intimidating, or a little scary, you have the courage to push through because you know it’s shaping you to be your own incredible role model instead of idolizing someone else.

    I wanted to share the artwork (a surprise nonetheless) that really encouraged me to write this post. A new follower of mine, Natasha, messaged me a couple of days ago with the most incredible piece of art OF ME! She sifted through all of my posts and captured probably one of my most sassy moments on the gram. Oddly enough, I’m wearing a shirt that says in small script Be That Girl. I had just cut my hair off and was absolutely LIVING for the sunshine in that present moment. I’ve never seen myself in the form of art, but I have to believe this image completely embodies my attitude and love of self. You can visit her instagram or her custom Etsy shop  for custom requests. I’ve got a humongous desire to request all custom images of me and frame them in my new cloffice once our house is built! Thank you Thank you THANK YOU to Natasha for such a beautiful piece of art, I am truly floored. You can find my Be That Girl tee on instagram at Naia Vibes.

    Now share with my your honest thoughts – have you come across fake influencers or behaviors that you found abhorrent? I truly appreciate any and all honesty on your opinions.

     

    Be that Girl

    Be THAT Girl

    tara

    43 Comments

    1. April 9, 2018 / 11:48 am

      Loving this post and the motivational message, this is definitely what I have been needing lately!

    2. April 9, 2018 / 12:36 pm

      Admitting my flaws is hard for me but I agree with everything you said

    3. April 9, 2018 / 12:44 pm

      I think the big thing is to surround yourself with people that reflect the values you uphold. I’ve had some pretty crappy experience with bloggers/influencers in LA, but I’ve also managed to find the gems in the groups to maintain contact with.

      • April 9, 2018 / 1:00 pm

        yes exactly!! I’ve found some amazing influencers here who are incredible people. It’s all about finding the right ones!

    4. April 9, 2018 / 12:54 pm

      Love love this post! People can be so afraid of change or people different than themselves but we really need to celebrate our differences! Why would anyone follow us if we were all the same?

      • April 9, 2018 / 1:01 pm

        right? being unique AND treating people with respect are two values I cherish in people – including you! 🙂

    5. Annaliese
      April 9, 2018 / 1:19 pm

      So appreciate your thoughts in this post!! I have definitely met some bloggers over the years who seemed very different in person than they portrayed online. Always be kind and personable!! <3

      xoxo A
      http://www.southernbelleintraining.com

    6. April 9, 2018 / 1:36 pm

      I have also experienced this sort of fake persona of some online people within the You Tube community. It happens quite a bit, unfortunately. Being yourself can be tough at times, especially for those who have a preconceived notion of who they ought to be versus who they truly are. Great, and very honest advice here. TY for sharing :))

    7. April 9, 2018 / 1:53 pm

      It doesn’t matter what age you are…. getting out of your comfort zone is the only way you can really grow. I went back to school at 55 and walked out of a job I had worked at for 20 years because it was such an unhealthy environment. Change is wonderful

      • April 9, 2018 / 3:48 pm

        My mother did the same thing! She left her career of more than 30 years and went back to school to become a teacher! Bravo to you both!!

    8. April 9, 2018 / 3:21 pm

      YES YES YES! you are not alone. This happened to one of my friends in the philly scene! It’s so sad! The blogging community near me is small but I’ve noticed some fakeness too, but fortunately overall i’ve made great friends through it. For me personally, what’s tough is that I do love myself and I know my boundaries. Because I was a business consultant BEFORE being a blogger, when I started blogging I naturally added blog consulting, and I find a lot of people try to “befriend” me to try to use me and get offended when I set “no business” boundaries. Like don’t clap me on the back when I preach “know your worth and add tax” and then get offended when I apply it to you too haha but i saw a quote the other day that stuck with me, sometimes you have to do the things that people will call you a bitch over otherwise your life is just going to be horrible trying to please everyone!

    9. the sophia diaries
      April 9, 2018 / 3:38 pm

      yes, thank you for this!! i really think some women need to read a post like this and realize that they need to remember how to love themselves <3

    10. April 9, 2018 / 3:49 pm

      This is such a disappointment that many of the bloggers you met weren’t the people they portrayed online. I have a few blog friends that I’ve had for years and have gotten to meet up with them in person various times, and I adore them. I would be so disappointed if the same happened in the future. I also completely agree with what you said about embracing your flaws. I openly admit my own, and it’s so much healthier than hiding behind them.

    11. Sydni
      April 9, 2018 / 3:55 pm

      I love this post so much! It’s so motivational and exactly what i needed to read!

    12. April 9, 2018 / 4:06 pm

      This is really something I have a hard time with sometimes. I am confident and I do love myself, but I find myself so afraid of failure and screwing up that I become my own worst enemy. So thank you so much for addressing that because I know I’m not alone! Also, LOVE the cute graphic at the bottom!

    13. April 9, 2018 / 4:13 pm

      Great advice! I have such a hard time stepping out of my comfort zone sometimes.

    14. April 9, 2018 / 4:22 pm

      I love the sentiment of being your authentic self!

    15. April 9, 2018 / 5:48 pm

      Great post! Thanks for the encouragement, I think owning all of who I am and admiting my flaws are my biggest two flaws.

    16. April 9, 2018 / 7:56 pm

      The only way to be is honest and true, and in order to do that you have to genuinely respect yourself and others. It generally doesn’t take long to figure out who doesn’t share those values. Great post.

    17. April 9, 2018 / 9:47 pm

      Yes to all of the above! Great post. Rose @ Our House of Love

    18. April 9, 2018 / 11:01 pm

      It is easy to hide behind a screen! I try to be myself when online. It’s the best way to be!

    19. April 9, 2018 / 11:01 pm

      I love everything about this post. Yes, be THAT girl: bold, brave, beautiful. Be you. This is the kind of message that should be shared with our audiences.

    20. April 9, 2018 / 11:58 pm

      I need to teach myself to say no more often. I decided that this year I would put myself, my health and my home life first. It has truly made a big difference so far. I found this post to be very motivational , thank you.

    21. April 10, 2018 / 12:10 am

      Insecurity breeds nastiness. When I come across the nasty I tend to see beyond and see their insecurities. Pretty sad for them as they miss out on so many potential good relationships. I value authenticity– it’s not always easy to walk in though.

    22. April 10, 2018 / 5:07 am

      This is the most authentic post I’ve read in a very long time! Because I’m not in a similar niche as a blogger, I haven’t had the same challenges. That said, I completely relate with how fake and edited people seem to be these days…and it’s even sadder how the world celebrates this fakeness. The tips for dealing with this issue is excellent, I’m on a journey os personal self-development and these are so helpful and relatable. Thanks so much for this beautiful inspirational and motivational post. YOU ROCK!

    23. Cass
      April 10, 2018 / 9:45 am

      Oh my gosh, I love the illustration! I’m also happy to hear you were able to take a break and step away for a bit to get some perspective. My biggest problem is saying NO! It’s been a struggle because i’m always there for people when they need me, hoping they will reciprocate the friendship in return, but end up getting burned. This was a good reminder for me.

    24. April 10, 2018 / 10:11 am

      Thank you for writing this! It’s hard when you’re a blogger and everyone around you seems so edited. When everyone else is doing that except you, you start to think if there’s something wrong with you. It’s hard to love yourself but this post came at the perfect time!

    25. April 10, 2018 / 10:23 am

      I love stepping out of my comfort zone because I always discover I can do more than I thought!

    26. April 10, 2018 / 10:43 am

      I took a mental and physical break this past weekend by going on a trip with a friend and it was so freeing! We had so much fun and it really helped us both feel better. You are so right about it be essential. I need to remember this more often!

    27. Ruya
      April 10, 2018 / 11:32 am

      I love the idea of being credible! Also that illustration is so cute!

      -Ruya
      sweetshortandstylish.com

    28. Brooke
      April 10, 2018 / 8:35 pm

      AMEN AMEN AMEN!!! Couldn’t agree more!! You go girl!!

      XO
      Brooke
      Charmedjerseybelle.com

    29. April 10, 2018 / 10:22 pm

      Your bravery and candidness are both awesome! That’s often a reality – people are just not what they initially seem. iId say amiable detachment is the best way – saves us the heartache.

    30. Liz
      April 11, 2018 / 1:21 am

      Love this post! Completely agree with your tips and can totally relate to the disappointment you feel when you meet a blogger you’ve admired for years only to find out it’s smoke and mirrors.

      Liz
      http://www.lizzieinlace.com

    31. Cindy | Foreign Fresh Fierce
      April 11, 2018 / 9:13 am

      Sweet Tara….all i gotta say is PREACH!! You brought so much to light and also a great reminder to be who you are. And i agree ALOT of bloggers in real life have been a big disappointment. Keep doing you babe!

    32. April 11, 2018 / 12:12 pm

      Obsessed with this inspirational post. This is just what i needed – thank you for sharing. <3

      Kasey
      TheStyleWright.com

    33. April 13, 2018 / 10:54 am

      This is really inspirational. I am still new to the blogging world and I have begun to see that rather than ‘lifting each other up’, I see some bloggers that pretend they are all about that — but secretly only do things to promote themselves. It’s super hard to get going in this arena. And I vow to always be authentic and genuine, to followers and other bloggers. Thanks so much for sharing this post. I am new to your blog, but really enjoyed this piece. And love your content! Thanks! 🙂

    34. Ashley
      April 13, 2018 / 4:36 pm

      This is such a powerful message! I have been disillusioned with a favorite blogger before, it’s THE WORST! I love all of your points, sometimes admitting our flaws helps rather than hurts!

    35. Ashley DTKAustin
      April 16, 2018 / 9:46 pm

      This is such a powerful post. This is such a great reminder to be YOU!

    36. May 10, 2018 / 1:56 pm

      You are so rad! I love how open you are and how you aren’t afraid to tell it like it is!

      xo, Leanna | ChangeWithUsBlog.com

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