• Knowing your own worth | Five or more things to keep in mind

    Knowing your own worth | Five or more things to keep in mind

    This has been on my mind for quite some time. No matter who you are, race, creed, color, etc, I guarantee this subject has presented itself in your life at one point or another. Job troubles? Relationship qualms? Toxic friendships? The list goes on and on but one question remains the same: do you know your own worth? And better yet.. do you value your worth?

    Let’s talk about the real kicker here – relationships. I think we’re all guilty of dating people who absolutely don’t deserve us. The moochers, the liars, the cheaters, the abusers, the self-obsessed, the immature, the jerk. Boy oh boy does my history include a line up of those prize gems. But you know the real gas here? They almost always land us on our rears, feeling like we’re the issue when in fact they’re the garbage. Sure, we’re all capable of having questionable moments or lapses in our best behavior, but the difference here is recognizing when you’ve been an ass and accepting the responsibility of correcting and amending.

    They leave you wondering their feelings for you when it should never be question. Ever run into the person who reaps all the benefits of a relationship – the companionship, the affection, all the little things you do for them – until they’ve got something else coming up? A fight that suddenly emerges right before a trip? Magically they return to you once the trip is over, like ta-da!  I could go on and on .. but the lesson here is recognizing your worth and how alllll of this nonsense just walks right on over it.

    When someone walks away from you or the relationship falls apart, recognize it’s for a reason: it isn’t meant to work. Just because someone comes knocking back on your front door doesn’t mean it’s meant to be or they’re suddenly going to value everything about you they missed or took for granted the first time around. In my experience, they’re usually a repeat offender. Take it in stride, slap a smile on that beautiful face and go do something for you. Distracting myself and/or staying busy was always awesome to help get over a breakup, however lousy the dude was. Don’t wallow in misery, make yourself a mental (or actual) list of five things you love about yourself, however big or small, and hold onto that! Don’t find yourself accepting behaviors you normally would say hell no to: flirtatious or cheat-worthy behaviors with other people (this includes inappropriate texting or social media messaging), drug use, not caring about your needs, no drive or ambition, etc. Someone seeking (inappropriate) attention outside the relationship has some of their own insecurities to work on, don’t feel the need to fix it for them – or tolerate it.

    Feeling like you were the problem is probably the most self destructive thing you could do to yourself. It’s toxic, miserable, and keeps you in a rut when you could be out blossoming in new found freedom. Learn from the experience and use it to create boundaries, not walls. Those boundaries will solidify that self love and strengthen your reserve.

    I’m super guilty of losing myself in relationships – giving my absolute all and completely forgetting about everything and everyone else. Don’t do that. Stay true to yourself, your values, and the parts and people of your life you hold most dear. Someone who loves, respects, and values you is going to love and encourage you in those pursuits, because it makes you happy. Giving up what makes you happy once turns into a cyclical habit – before you know it you’re separated from the jerk who broke your heart, the friends you miss, and the hobbies/past times that gave you such joy.

    That being said, don’t stay in a bad relationship simply because it’s comfortable or for the fear of being alone. The warm blanket syndrome is suffocating at best, toxic at worst. Trust me, Charlie and I have lived states and countries apart for years – I know the despair of being alone when it’s not ideal.  Knowing your worth and valuing said worth means knowing when to stop, when to walk away. You deserve all the butterflies, nervous stomachs, and jitters that comes with being around someone who is equally crazy about you and the time they have with you. Don’t be someone’s warm blanket. 

    Just like we negotiate our salaries or pursue jobs that either value our skill sets, contributions, and knowledge, or just plainly make us happier – we should do the same in our relationships. You are loved and lovable – if you find yourself needing the reassurance from your partner, something isn’t quite right. Reassurance turns into the need for validation which can quickly escalate into neediness, yikes! Should you find yourself with someone or in a relationship demanding any of these emotions or actions – consider the situation and contemplate your next step. Do you see the future getting better with this person or worse? Do you see your happiness or do kind of cringe? If you aren’t bringing out the best in each other, you have your answer. Like I said, slap on a smile, put on some lipstick, and greet a happier future. You DESERVE it.

    I’m also sharing some of my favorite feel-good, tummy hurting laugh books with you guys. They’ll either lift you up, crack you up, make you cry or just hook you right in. I hope you love them!

     

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    Giveaway runs from February 27, 2018 to March 13, 2018 (concludes at 11:59 PM on the last day). Open to the US, UK and CAN. By entering you are agreeing that you are performing the actions in the Rafflecopter that you have marked as done. By entering you acknowledge that you are agreeing to these newsletter subscriptions and all other terms & conditions of the giveaway. More giveaway details can be read in the terms & conditions in the Rafflecopter. Winner will be announced within 15 days of the conclusion of the giveaway and entries will be verified by the hosts. Thanks for participating, I can’t wait for you to go check out these talented bloggers!

     

     

    Photography by Rebecca Patton Beckley Photography

     

    tara

    23 Comments

    1. February 28, 2018 / 10:11 am

      OMG you are super cute for starters 🙂 Love your skirt. The giveaway is also something to look forward to so I think i’ll enter

    2. February 28, 2018 / 10:57 am

      This’s such a coincidence, The other day me and my friend were talking about the same topic because her little sister’s bf is such a jerk (well we all been there) and she keep going back to him simply because of the fear of being alone! I loved it when u said worth means knowing when to stop and when to walk away and don’t be someone’s warm blanket???????????? Now I am just gonna send this to my friends! We all need this kinda pep talk????

    3. February 28, 2018 / 12:08 pm

      Very inspiring article and amazing pictures. I love the colors and the positive attitude you share.

    4. February 28, 2018 / 12:50 pm

      Soo important and thank you for such an uplifting post! I think this is something that needs to be said often as we live in a world that brings down our worth 🙁 !

    5. February 28, 2018 / 1:44 pm

      That skirt looks absolutely adorable on you! These points are so relevant to me right now so I loved reading this!

    6. February 28, 2018 / 2:47 pm

      Okay, so first of all, you look amazing! This is a great article. Often times, especially when someone breaks up with us, we wonder what’s wrong with us. This was very uplifting and encouraging. Know your worth! 🙂

    7. Megan
      February 28, 2018 / 2:50 pm

      Yes to this! Finding your self worth actually *in your self* is the most important aspect of life at the end of the day. This is a great post!

    8. Annaliese
      February 28, 2018 / 3:01 pm

      What a beautiful message here Tara!! I’m always looking for uplifting books to read so I’m going to add those to my reading list. 🙂

      xoxo A
      http://www.southernbelleintraining.com

    9. February 28, 2018 / 3:02 pm

      I think its so important for women to know what they are worth and that they don’t have to be treated badly. In the long run, its much better to be single longer and wait for someone who treats you with respect then stay in a bad relationship.

    10. February 28, 2018 / 4:13 pm

      You always have such great posts and are both inspiring and well-written. Knowing your self-worth is so important when it comes to literally everything; getting into relationships, finding a new job, travelling — and I am so glad that we as a society are getting more and more accepting of it.

      Great post! x

      Michelle
      dressingwithstyle-s.com

    11. February 28, 2018 / 6:20 pm

      This speaks the truth of so many of my friends…great post! I love the outfit too!

    12. the sophia diaries
      February 28, 2018 / 6:51 pm

      thanks for the inspo, i definitely think it’s important to know our own worth, and know it isn’t defined by others but by ourselves 🙂 good luck with the giveaway!

    13. March 1, 2018 / 12:24 am

      Preach it girl! I love the idea of making a list of things you love about yourself. I did that a couple of months ago and it was very therapeutic for me! Such a meaningful and fun post to read. LOVE your shirt btw 🙂

    14. March 1, 2018 / 9:44 am

      The fear of being alone is super hard. But when you’re alone you can really find out who you are and what you want

    15. March 1, 2018 / 11:59 am

      Cute outfit, first of all! And yes, knowing our self worth is so important. Letting people into our lives who don’t appreciate us for who we are is a bad choice… as my son would say. It’s better to be single than in a toxic relationship.

    16. Kelsi
      March 1, 2018 / 11:36 pm

      First off, your top is so so cute! Secondly, I LOVE Jenny LAwson’s books — they make me laugh and feel better about life pretty much all the time.

    17. March 4, 2018 / 11:22 pm

      First of all, Your outfit is adorable!and I can completely relate to your post – I remember going through a toxic relationship where all I blamed was myself. It took me years to realize that that person was indeed the garbage and I’m so glad to have him out of my life. Everything really does happen for reason and I couldn’t be happier with how my life turned out.

    18. Claire
      March 5, 2018 / 2:56 pm

      So true! Love this and thanks for the great giveaway!

    19. March 5, 2018 / 5:22 pm

      This was such a good post!! All of your advice was spot on! I also loved your book recommendations – I just downloaded Furiously Happy for my flight. Very excited to read it! Also, your outfit is adorable! I just love your skirt.

    20. March 5, 2018 / 6:23 pm

      This is a great post! I love the advice! I definitely would have needed this advice a few years ago. It is definitely better to be in a relationship that is a two-way street rather than putting all the effort in and not receiving anything back.

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